Tuesday, February 10, 2009

March 14, 2007 (From my livejournal)

March 14, 2007

...When I got up this morning, the pain returned as soon as I got up. The other symptoms, which I'll leave to the imagination, finally showed up. I called my dad to tell him that I would take Morgane to school. He informed me that I had mail over there. I called Roberta who already had a pretty good idea what was wrong with me. I drove Morgane to school and stopped at my parents' house on my way home to pick up my mail. One was from a hospital that screwed up the coding on some tests I had to run, the insurance is refusing to pay, and the hospital is trying to charge me. The other was a letter from my brother. Patrick. The one in prison.



Well, hello there stranger! How are you?

I've wanted to write, for a long while, but my present situation, and my environment make it hard for me to do much of anything that I actually want to do.

I was only hoping that it might be possible to open some type of communication with you.

I understand that you may have personal reservations about this. And, if that is the case, I will accept it, and hold absolutely no animosity. I don't believe any excuses are needed.

Anyway, since my niece has only been able to see photographs of her uncle Patrick, where I look like a psychopathic janitorial engineer, I thought she might like to see me, in a different light.

Unfortunately, I only have these photocopies, right now. But, I will certainly try to get some more taken, one day soon, if she would like.

I do believe that I can have the originals sent to me, and could then send them to you, if you think you could make copies of them, and return them to me. They belong to someone else, so I would have to get copies of them made. Just let me know. Ok?

Well, like I said. I only wanted to attempt to make contact with you, to see if there is any possibility of mending the damage that I've caused between us.

I hope that it isn't too late to make amends, for all of my past stupidity.

I will anxiously await some form of reply, from you. And hopefully, I can try to be a decent uncle for my niece.

I'm very sorry if I've disrupted your life.

Louisiana State Penitentiary
Angola, LA

For those of you who don't know, over the course of many years beginning approximately when he hit puberty, Patrick began stealing from me and beating me up regularly. He's four years younger than me and my parents would always tell me I couldn't fight back, they would ignore his stealing, and often accused me of asking for it when he'd hit me. I don't think he realizes that I'm much angrier at my parents for this than him and the beatings from him stopped when he was 14 (Fred called the police). The stealing didn't stop until he moved out. Which makes sense, because he was stealing to support his drug habit. The same drug habit that led him to prostitution, dealing, and the murder that he's currently incarcerated for.

I'm guessing he didn't get the telephone message back in November when Lee died. I'll be writing him later, updating him about the family... the births, marriages, deaths. Stuff he's missing out on. I'd actually been wanting to do so, but didn't have his address...

ETA: The photocopied pictures he sent aren't much better than the one he's describing as a psychotic janitorial engineer. He looks gaunt. If he weren't my brother, I'd cross the street so as not to run into him on the same sidewalk. And I also noticed that in both pictures, he bears a striking resemblence to our other brother, only paler. He still looks psychotic.

Note: The allegations of prostitution were made by our other brother. Patrick has denied this. Since he has been honest about his drug use, dealing, and several other distasteful things, I am willing to believe that if he says he wasn't prostituting himself, that he is telling the truth. Add to that the fact that our other brother has been caught lying about certain things having to do with Patrick for his own gain, and I'm even more likely to believe that there was no prostitution.


  1. Tori,
    I didn't know about Patrick abusing you when you were young. Please don't let him abuse your love for him now. He needs you desperately. You certainly don't need him in any real sense, but I understand the filial love you show him.

    I've dealt with many people similar to Patrick. Their sickness often seems to know no bounds, and they often end up hurting the few people who reach out to them. Be careful.

    Your brothers are WAY BLESSED to have you as a sister. Just look out for yourself and your immediate family, and make sure that you don't let yourself become a victim while you're being a blessing.

  2. I didn't want to add things out of the story context, so I kept things like the abuse out of the story until I brought them up as part of the story. Does that make sense? I'm currently in therapy to deal with the sibling abuse, along with other abusive situations I've been in throughout my life. Patrick wasn't the first. My husband is well aware of things, as am I. I have warned other people about getting too involved with him and believing everything he says... he's not lying as much as he once did, but I've caught him in a few lies that he's told other free people at the prison. And corrected the story.